He needs to learn to live on his own, have a job, support himself, and be a happy human being independently. Saying he needs to be with you to lessen his need to drink is a HUGE red flag.
It takes months of sobriety to learn how to live a sober, happy life...usually close to a year. He didn't say he needs to be with me to lessen his need to drink but I have that feeling. I'm leaning towards this being a bad idea the more that I talk about it and trusting my instincts is very important so I'm gonna start there. I misspoke, but I would trust your inner wisdom about how dependent he is on you.
As this post already implies, the impact of his addiction is already happening perhaps even without him knowing it.
And again, just like any codependent or healthy person, you're thinking about not yourself.
I'd hate that someone would decide not to be with me because of that. Things I’ve read in this sub include statements such as, alcoholics are master manipulators, they will look you directly in the eye and lie to your face. I personally can’t believe all the bs I bought off on but I’m here to tell you that at the first sign of lies or back peddling I would walk. Don’t invest your emotions into someone who only truly loves alcohol. As a recovering alcoholic myself...decades sober, I would be very cautious about moving in together. When I was in early recovery, I got a therapist who helped me make healthy choices and figure out answers to questions like yours. Telling him what is best for both of you, seems to me to be a loving thing to do.
Perfection isn't real and I'm not looking for it, I'm looking for someone with issues that I can handle and who can handle mine. I know the early stages of infatuation/lust/love are powerful, but what's the rush? You say he's not manipulative, but he sounds manipulative.
He doesn't act like a dry drunk, he isn't manipulative or mean like I've seen others describe their qualifier but it does feel rather rushed.
Can't tell if it's because this is just what it's like to be properly in love or if he is hooked on this whole thing. EDIT: He drank again I broke up with him and it was absolutely the right choice for many revealed reasons that I will not share.
I would question that feeling you have about “needing to be with you to lessen the chance of him drinking.”What causes it you or him?
As I said somewhere else in this post alcoholics can be master manipulators. Some of the comments in this section are really rough but, hopefully, you get the point.
That being said, if someone I was close to was considering getting involved with an alcoholic, I would highly encourage them not to.
It is so incredibly hard, in a way that can't really be explained or understood until you are in the middle of it. You may be interested in exploring your choices in relationships as well.
Choosing this life is a horrible mistake in my opinion. As someone else said, rushing into things is what you need to be careful of. It sounds like he's taking it seriously (which is great) but it also sounds like his sobriety is tenuous. My wife wasn't an alcoholic when I met her, but she had serious issues with depression.