As partners in the same church you have very specific responsibilities towards one another and responsibilities together for the rest of your church.
Remember that if you break-up you will still have responsibilities to pray for them, love them, and serve alongside them.
Be careful and strategic about what you say and do in your relationship.
But seriously, the amount of pressure that sizing up a newbie for marriage puts on a casual coffee date, not to mention the fact that you KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE PERSON (sorry, I’m worked up and yelling) does two things: 1.
It paralyzes an organic and healthy period of “getting to know someone” and 2.
If you care about this person now then make sure that you think about the future. That is to say, don’t presume upon a future you haven’t earned.
If the relationship doesn’t work out you want to be able to continue serving together and serving one-another as participants in the same fellowship. You may know this person from small group, or fellowship dinners, but that’s not the same as knowing them from a real, long-term, and personal investment. Moving too fast can create real pain for a broken relationship among church members later.
Reality: OK, maybe it’s a good idea to have a distant goal in mind that possibly, in the future, you could marry a person.
And I intentionally said “a person,” not “this person” who you’re sitting across a table from, because knowing that you are moderately amenable to walking down that road means you’re probably in a good spot to date casually, honestly and respectfully.
The fear is that casual dating means casual sex, casual deep intimacy or casual love—which are all by nature not casual.
But if we assume that a good man and a good woman understand those boundaries, why would getting coffee and learning more about the other person not be healthy, enjoyable and within any reasonable scope of OK? Reality: Women can guard their own hearts, make their own decisions, and suffer the highs and lows of emotional intimacy just like the rest of us (if not better than the rest of us).
You see the reality is that relationships among fellow church members affect the whole church. So, as you are eyeing that pretty girl who works in the nursery, or flirting with that drummer in the praise team let me urge you to think carefully about a few things.